One Fish down

Impulse shopping never works for me. Bought two Beta’s, a tank, plastic plants, gravel, marbles, food and water purifier at Petsmart when I just needed kitty litter. George and Emily are now part of the family! Two week’s later cleaning the tank all proud of myself that I actually did it and George does a nose dive to the bottom of the tank and up to the top a couple of times and I walk away thinking alls well. Ah no, all is not well. Twenty minutes later and George still has his nose in the gravel and his little fin’s are motionless. Emily is fine, her little fins are a flapping, but hiding in the plastic plants. One turkey baster, used to get food off the bottom of the tank, and the little net catcher thingie and George is up out and gone to the big used toilet water site somewhere in the city. Just couldn’t put him in the trash! It’s like ashes to ashes for us. Water to water for fish…right? I did tell him I was sorry but that was just for me cause we all know he couldn’t hear me. Sat down with IttyBitty and told her what I did but she really didn’t care she still has Emily to watch and can still try to figure out why there is something in the water she can’t get to. I was was told that the Female wouldn’t survive…HA! guess Females of all species pervail when ya get down to it.

Not really a liar….just a fibber or is that flubber?

Ok, so I didn’t really post yesterday. I have a totally good reason for it too. Wanna hear? Of course you do! Have a seat. This is going to take a while. No? You don’t have a year to spare for my long winded story telling? How about the short version? Ok.

  • Boss was gone for half the day, I was alone. (‘Nuff said, but I’ll go on….just for you)
  • Had two tours at the preschool so I was running back and forth trying to be in two places at once.
  • I don’t remember eating lunch, so I may have missed it….or did I?
  • ( I am totally drawing a blank here)……..um…..what the heck did I do yesterday anyways??
  • Oh yeah! Worked until 4 (supposed to get off at 2:30) or so, came home and did some more work on computer. I think I should have mine implanted that way it’s always with me.
  •  Made “dinner” for the kids and myself. Taco salad again. (feel sorry for me. It was the 4th night in a row I had salad. I think 3lbs of lettuce is too much)
  • Ate dinner at church.
  • Forgot I was traded praise teams with Patti and ran (not really) over to go sing.
  • Stood on my feet!! for over an hour. Singing.
  • Sat down for the next hour and a half. Singing.
  • Spent another hour and a half sitting. In the church foyer blabbing with my girlfriend.
  • Left church at 10:30pm and went to Wal-mart.
  • Shopped for lunch foods and birthday presents (sorry Debbi) and going away presents.
  • Came home at 11:55pm and checked my computer for a million dollars. (wasn’t there… ::tears:: )
  • Got ready for bed.
  • Talked to husband for waaay too long.
  • Closed eyes and went to sleep around 1:30am.

So…there you have it. That is why I didn’t post yesterday. However, I would like to plead my case to the Blog 365 committee and ask for a stay of excommunication from the “group” because I “fudged” the timestamp on my post. I really meant to. I did! When I realized my error, I got on it right away. I swear! Please forgive me? Can it still count?? Pretty please with a cherry on top?? Yay!! You rock! I am not worthy of your bloggiveness!! And!! The upside? I don’t have to pretend I posted on the 10th because guess what?? It is the 10th!! Woot!

Gratitude Wednesday

Every day I try to remember the things I am grateful for. Some days are harder than others because I tend to see the negative before the positive. This year I will dedicate Wednesday’s to an Oprah inspired Gratitude journal. What things are you grateful for this week?

These are 10 things I am grateful for :

  1. the giggle of a small child
  2. warm blankets on a cold morning
  3. my husbands hand on mine
  4. a working computer
  5. singing
  6. corporate prayer
  7. a job I love, even when it stresses me out
  8. my new polka dot scarf
  9. my children’s loving hugs
  10. chocolate

A Year in Review

I see this Meme everywhere else like here (ok so I couldn’t find any blogs I read that are doing this, but I did google it and I know I read it from a link that I read…a link of a link of some guy who linked it? oh who cares, just read it and do it. Tag your it!) and here and oh yeah, here, so I might as well do it too.. It’s boring I know, but I get what they all mean.

Here is the first line from the first post of each month in 2007:

January: It’s been a while…I’ve been a little busy, with Christmas preparations, traveling, Christmas, traveling, New Years, etc.

February: If the old man snores when it rains, then what does he do when it snows? He freezes his ass off that’s what!

March: I went to Canton with 2 of my friends last Saturday.

April: Today is my first “work” day off in 4 weeks.

May: Please take a number…I thought my list a couple of days ago was long, but today, today my friends was a doozy!

June: Saw the Gastroenterologist today.

July: All went well picking up Mom from the airport.

August: I’m not sure if the “man” in the picture is wearing a lace edged pair of boxers or a skirt but I think they were going for “gender neutral”, in any case… HUH????

September: It was a very eventful weekend.

October: I am at my Auntie’s house and we are having a great time….as if we wouldn’t we are girls!

November: Pain in the foot…or is that the neck??

December: It’s amazing how good it feels when the world works with you and not against you.

And there you have it….a whole year of my life in condensed version and aren’t you thankful? I didn’t realize just how many health problems plagued me last year. I am hoping for more favorable health in ’08, so we won’t count the tendonitis in both my ankle and my elbow. I’m just going to pretend it doesn’t mean anything, because MOM? It does, but I am pretending that it doesn’t. ::grin::

She be a trash pickin’ again!

Ok, so you know how I love junk? Yeah, well I can’t pass up a pile of it without at least a look. Once I was driving down our  alley when I spied a mannequin upside down in a trash can. We’ll call her Judy. I was selling Premier Designs Jewelry then and because I was just starting out, I didn’t want to spend the money for a display mannequin, so when I spotted the naked beauty in the alley,
Continue reading “She be a trash pickin’ again!”

I don’t need an umbrella….

We are doing a new small group study at our church called Downpour. James McDonald is the guy who is doing the study. And no, he is not the brother of Michael McDonald. Har.

I don’t have all my thoughts formed here, but I know this is something God has been preparing me for for a while now. I struggle to do His will and He loves me anyway. I pull back when he pushes me out of box of complacency and He doesn’t grow weary. I am ready for his deluge of renewal and revival in my heart and life. I have been preparing my field to receive His blessing and when he pours is down, the fruit it will bear will be abundant. I commit to getting out of the way and letting Him lead me.

Continue reading “I don’t need an umbrella….”

Could I be anymore fabulous??


What Angela Louise Means


You are usually the best at everything … you strive for perfection. (I’ll take excellence over perfection anyday)
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic “Type A” personality. (really? I didn’t know that)You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.

You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.

Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don’t appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don’t get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.

And because you’re so lucky, you don’t really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.

You’re sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It’s easy to get you excited… which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don’t stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are the total package – suave, sexy, smart, and strong.

You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.

You don’t always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don’t have as much going for them as you do.

What’s Your Name’s Hidden Meaning?

Who am I really?

Last night I tossed and turned. Normally I don’t fall asleep quickly, and last night was no exception. I knew today was the day I’d have to go into work and do the dreaded financial stuff for my preschool. I have been dawdling all morning. Sleeping in, taking my time to shower, taking my picture before and after I got ready for work. Totally important stuff ya know.

I got to thinking while laying there with my head under the covers, shutting out the world. I thought about who I was. I flashed on two mirrors. One is the reflection of the awkward, insecure, acne ridden, and premature aging self. In that mirror, I see the teen who didn’t date, who felt so alone in the world of school, friends, and boys. She struggled with who she wanted to be. She thought the girl she wanted to be would make her happy and bring her all her heart desired like a boyfriend, popularity, and belonging.
Even as a 35 year old woman, I see that side of myself everyday in the mirror.
I hate her. She is needy, moody, cranky, and lashes out when she is scared. She has moments of anger and when she digs down deep enough and asks the hard questions, it all comes down to being scared that no one will accept her. That she will be judged for how she looks and in her mind, the way she looks is now and has always been unacceptable. All the work, the tears and hours spent shopping, scrutinizing even inch of herself to look passable. To be accepted in a world that puts the pretty thin people on pedestals. Looking that way doesn’t come easy. She works hard to be presentable, because in the end, on those days she hates who she is, the way she looks; either stylish or frumpy is all she has.
Those days when she is at her lowest, she dreams she is someone else, like this:


Only that dream isn’t a reality and she has to come up with a way to cope with the truth or it will consume her and take over. Her family knows all too well what kind of depression comes forth and it’s not pretty. It comes down to self hatred and is a constant battle she struggles to win everyday. But! Don’t feel sorry for her, because she is a winner. I am a winner. I have won the battle everyday that I get up and face another day. I continue the fight against myself and I win it everyday. Some days the battle is long, but I still come out on top even if I hide under the covers because I am trying. And that is all that matters.

In the other mirror, I flashed on the self that everyone else sees. More than I can count I have been told how pretty I was growing up. I had a “pretty face”. The translation I heard in my brain: You are fat, but your face is pretty and you would be beautiful if you were thin. I never believed them when they would say it. Mostly because I was am insecure. As an adult I’ve had a lot of friend relationships, and have been told with sincerity that I am a beautiful woman and they admire that I am so confident in myself. Ha! The coping skills, oh the coping skills!! I have mastered the most important ones that let me see the “pretty” part of myself to get out the door. I walk into a store, see my reflection and it’s as if the image of myself I walked out of the house with shatters the second I catch that horrible glimpse of the woman who thought she looked good. It’s a messed up way of thinking that many years of therapy hasn’t cured yet.
On good days, and most days are good by the way, I see the green eyes that catch the light. The same eyes that made my husband go weak in the knees before we started dating. I see the girl who doesn’t care what others think of her body. She walks in a room and lights it up with her wit and humor and warm loving smile. I see her engage with others and in those moments, her outer shell disappears and only the giddy fun girl shines and she is beautiful. Her smile is bright and her tender heart makes others around her gather near to hear what she’ll say next. I like to see that part of myself more than the ugly.
On the good days, I see the girl I was when I met my husband
and the girl who accepts herself as she is….

I like love her. She is someone I would want to know. And the thing is, I have friends and family. Lots of them. They see who I am beneath the exterior and love me anyway. They love me in spite of myself. I make it hard for them to love me. I hide away parts of myself and keep them close so I won’t get hurt. Everyone does. I guess what I realize is there will always be 2 mirrors. I will always see the ugly me and I will always see the pretty me and it’s ok that they live side by side. They are roomies. One makes her bed, keeping her room neat and tidy and the other sleeps on top of the covers because she comes in drunk and falls on her face after a long night of partying. Those sides of me are like the odd couple. They learn to live together because that is what makes me, well… me. Ironically, I am the same person as the “ugly” picture with just more makeup and some ninja hair moves. So. The moral of my story is, everyone is ugly when they wake up, but I am still beautiful on the inside all the time. (awwww, how sweet! I’m really sarcastic on the inside too! :P)

Who do you see in the mirror? The ugly or the pretty? Or am I the only one who sees double? Well…I hear voices too.

They tell me to buy more shoes.