It’s official…I’m flawed

I will not be able to be entered in the NaBloMoPo’s list of people who blogged every single day during the month of Nov. I missed yesterday’s post. I was gone all day long and too tired to think about it when I finally did get home….at 9:30 at night. By the time I realized that I had missed yesterday, it was already 12:51am…crap. Oh well….I tried..I really did….
So? How are you? I’m pretty good I guess… still miss my dog, lots of work to do, job to apply for, sets to paint, and songs to memorize, but I know God doesn’t give me more than I can handle.
Speaking of God. Today at church our Pastor gave a sermon that really convicted me. It was about missions and how we reach out to the lost of this world for Chirst. He asked if we were witnessing to those that we come in contact with and tell them the good news that Jesus was sent here to earth to die for our sins and that he paid the sacrifice so we wouldn’t have to. On a scale of 1 to 10, as a witness for Christ, I am a -5. I haven’t witnessed to anyone other than kids at Vacation Bible school, and I certainly haven’t led anyone to salvation in the Lord.
All I kept saying to myself was, how can I lead anyone to know Jesus, if I feel unworthy and dead inside? How do I give people hope of an eternity spent with Jesus and a peace if I have trouble beieveing it myself? Every Christian asks themselves questions about not only their salvation, but how their faith is tested and what their purpose is. I have so much ugly junk inside my heart and head from years of pain and self abuse, even though I KNOW Jesus is my savior, I don’t share that with many poeple because I don’t feel worthy enough to do it. I still don’t fully get that I am worthy of God’s love, made in his image, and His precious child. How do you shine the light of God from your heart, if it’s all yucky and dim from all the garbage you keep bringing in? I don’t know the answer to that question. I’m still figuering it out. When I figure it out I will let you know…in the mean time.
Do you know Jesus? Do you want to know Jesus? Because He longs to know you. To let you know that there is a way, a thing to fill that empty space in your heart and life. His name is Jesus and as simple as it sounds, He wants to be the one you turn to and the one who holds you when you cry, in sorrow and in joy. He is the way….I know He is and I want to live my life like the song I sang this morning at the end of our service.

“This is my desire, to honor you.
Lord with all my heart I worship you.
All I have within me, I give you praise.
All that I adore is in you.
Every breath that I take, every moment I’m awake.
Lord have your way in me.”