Going thru another blue time in my life. Job woes, health woes tend to catch up with you after a while. Jon and I made the decision to wait for me to get a full time job until Micahel goes to school. And of course that means we need to curb our spending habits, eat at home and pay off bills. 2 out of 3 of those things fall on my shoulders as the main shopper/spender in the family. I buy for the kids, for Jon and mostly for myself. Although I must pat myself on I guess my own back because I have realy been careful about what I have been buying and erring on the side of caution more often than not. Now, if I could stop eating our money away by going out and eating at fast food and resturants, then I think we would be ok. If I could stop wasting 15 dollars worth of meat at a time (yes Nat, I mentioned it again..pork chops :P) we would be better than eating out. Some days I am so tired, so had it up to here ^ that I just want to give up. I don’t, I keep going..but it gets old after a while.
Jon might say I need to start taking my meds again, but I really think this time is different. I don’t feel hopeless, just apathetic. I don’t feel worthless, just struggling with where my place is. I am a Mom, I would like to be a working Mom, but with that comes so many complications, that if the “right” job doesn’t come along, I feel less than equiped to be looking for work. Like I am only qualified to stay at home with my kids and not good enough for a paying job. Jon doesn’t put any pressure on me to work. Even in our worst financial times, he supports our decision that we made 13 years ago for me to stay at home and raise our kids.
I think God and I are working on things together, but I tend to take over more than He would like. It’s just so hard to give up control, even though I know He has better things in mind for me than I could even dream of. I just have to remember that I don’t have it rough….I have it waay good and I am soo thankful for my life.
So, now that I have poured out my random thoughts (should I have posted that on RandomCommands?) I think I am good. Thanks for listening.
OK, not to be a nag or a bossy big sister, but really, NOT a good idea to stop taking your medicine. SERIOUSLY – it’s never good for you when you do that. First is apathy then full-blown depression. I can’t tell you what to do but I’m jus’ sayin’…love and hugs from me to you.
Hey smiley girl. We love ya and will keep you in our prayers. We miss you not being here, but looking forward to seeing you in a couple of days. Gary & Kathy