Category: Deep Thoughts

self reflection, faith, spirituality, Jesus, God

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525,600 Minutes…

How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets
In midnights, in cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife
In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure, a year in the life?

 RENT – Seasons Of Love Lyrics | MetroLyrics

He laid there, his breathing labored, rattled, and stared past our faces. His hand rose up from the bed and floated out in front of him. He clearly rasped, “Okay, okay…let’s go.”  We weren’t sure who he was seeing off in the distance, but having witnessed it first hand, there was no mistaking our beloved Daddy was being called home to the beyond. His place was no longer here on this earth, but somewhere greater, where pain is unknown and joy can’t be measured. Here on this earth, he would leave behind those he cherished most and couldn’t bear to leave. Knowing it wasn’t his choice freed us to lock the moments in time we shared, away in our hearts, visiting them when the grief of loss was too much.

I revisited that day in my mind many many times in the last year.  Those days, all 365 have passed far too quickly and I find myself  not struggling in the mire of it, but smiling at the bittersweet memory of being able to share that beautiful moment when he passed from this life to the next. No longer in pain, no longer suffering. Healed, fully whole, and at peace.

The last year has been filled with more tragedy than we ever experienced. More pain than a family should have to bear but in that pain, I have found some comfort and peace of my own.  Hope.

Hope that the next year will bring more joy, more laughter, more opportunities to heal, and that sense of peace that comes with knowing we didn’t suffer in vain.

Romans 5:3-5  reminds me that

3-5 There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!
The Message (MSG)

I feel my Dad with me. I hear his voice in my head, his laughter in my ears, and feel his love forever branded on my heart.

I will always be his baby girl.

I miss you everyday, Daddy.  I love you.

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Nebermind herself…

When my daughter was about 3 years old she spied her Daddy coming out of the shower. Questions were asked. When an answer was given, she loudly proclaimed, “No, I da peanut!!”  I’m sure you can figure out what question was asked.

This same daughter just turned 14 on Sunday. Fourteen!!!

Time has flown by and she has grown tall.  She no longer relies on me for everything, but still needs me.

I see so much of myself in her green eyes and brown hair. She has my chin and my sense of humor. She’s so smart and inquisitive, I sometimes feel inferior in her presence. Sometimes she even looks at me as if I am.

She’s a teenager, so that’s to be expected.  We’ve butted heads and yelled at each other.

We’ve hugged and cried together. We’ve comforted each other. We have a bond that a lot of Mom’s want with their daughters. Her friends think I’m cool and the best Mom ever. They might be on to something. The jury is still out.

She’s the type of person I want to be friends with. She makes me want to go out of my way to form a friendship with her and keep that friendship going. She has my heart.

She wants to move to Seattle when she graduates from high school and go to school there. My heart has already broken at the thought of her being so far away from me. Maybe by the time that comes to be, I’ll be ok with it.

Until then, she is mine to hug and comfort. To help grow into a fine woman who loves Jesus, people, kids, and owls. Who sings loudly in her room and laughs at her own jokes. Mine to fight for the spotlight with and put her ego in it’s place when need be. Mine to make sure she grows up to have a happy life. A job I am happy to have.

She’ll always be my baby girl. Happy Birthday Brenna! I love you more than shoes.

Love,

Mama

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What’s that noise in my head?

I was sitting here at my computer this morning and I was musing about a few things.  Like…

  1. I can’t wait to see my collarbone. Sooner rather than later. I think I feel it-it’s getting closer to the surface, but still not fully visible.
  2. I’m sure Jesus will come before I see my hip bones. I’m just sayin’.
  3. Why does the store fool me into buying a four pack of yogurt that is supposed to be consumed 1 day after I buy it? I can’t eat 4 containers of yogurt in one day! Dumb me for not looking at the date. I was distracted ok?
  4. I wanted to make Cookie Dough Brownies the other night. I didn’t succumb to the craving. It was like the moon pulling in the tide… see what I mean?
    The recipe can be found here: Cookie Dough Brownies . I didn’t make them by the way, but oh how I wanted to!cookie dough brownies
  5. I have the next 5 days with only 2 children. Not sure what we’ll do. I want to feel completely lazy and do nothing, but I do that already. Maybe we’ll go bowling, go to the library, make brownies… Maybe a sudden urge to have them help me make dinner will come over me? I doubt it, but one can dream.
  6. We moved furniture around this weekend. Every 6 months or so, we move the stuff around so we can clean up under the couch and get a deep cleaning in.house Well, not really for the cleaning benefit, but more for the “I’m bored of this layout and the kids are destroying stuff when it is like this” benefit. It’ll change again at Christmas to accommodate the tree and seating for the whole family.
    Jon used to hate it, now he just does it. I love my husband.
  7. My sunburn itches. You know that phase? About a week after a sunburn, it starts to get super dry and itchy?? Yeah, I’m there. It’s on the front of my legs, so I have the added bonus of hair growing thru the sun burnt skin. Yay me!
  8. Our neighbors house is up for sale. I am grateful that the previous owners are gone because they used to play loud music and park their gigantic truck inches millimeters away from our fence or park it of the street and block the view of traffic. It was a commercial vehicle parked in a residential neighborhood and it chapped my hide that they got away with it.
    However… what if the new neighbors are just as bad? What if they can see me sitting at my desk in front of the window in my pj’s and laugh?
    That so reminds me…I really need to put curtains up.
  9. I lost 1.2 lbs this week according to the scale at the gym. I must be crazy to put this out there, but here goes. 22 lbs lost. Lots more to go.
    angie at gymI’ll only brag a little bit on myself. That shirt? Used to be tight on me, like a sausage casing tight. I know, eww. Those workout pants? They have been my tried and true wear at anytime pants. You know the ones, when you are feeling fat, or feeling skinny. Well, they are baggy on me. Almost to the point of being ridiculous. So…I don’t feel like I look smaller, but my clothes are telling a different story. That’s all. I’m done bragging.  Thanks for listening. :o)
  10. I’ve been inspired by many people, but putting it all out there; that goes to my cousin Tricia. She is opening her life up to us and her struggle with weight. Go visit her at One Fat Chick’s Journey to Health.
  11. My Son, Dan is taking lunch orders, so I must go. I think I’m in for a treat. Maybe we’ll play restaurant?! I wonder if I’ll get a tip??

Until next time…

Love and dangly earrings,

angie transparent

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Thinking Dry Thoughts

One bad thing about an extended vacation is that you miss those summer staples you have come to enjoy,  like bbq cookouts with friends, Friday night card games with noshing, and Vacation Bible School at your church. For years I have been apart of an amazing group of friends who love the Lord and love to share it with the community through a summer program called VBS. I was sad to find out we wouldn’t be a part of it this year, as it’s a whole family affair that we fully embrace every summer. Jon usually takes off a whole week and we all hang out together exhausted, but happy.

This summer we are at Dad’s house and that means we can’t be at our church, but never fear! Our local Baptist Church is here!! **cue superhero muzak** First Baptist Church of O’Fallon is hosting the same theme VBS  our own PCBC is and I was thrilled to have the resource so MJ could experience it as well.

I pre-registered him online and he was SO excited  to go and make new friends. We hustled over there and grabbed our card, a t-shirt, and a CD. We made our way into the sanctuary where the singing and music was just getting started.  Afterward when it was over, I picked him up and he was giddy with joy at doing the art, having snack, and playing with his new friends. We stopped at the local RED BOX to pick up a movie, which has become a nightly ritual for us since it’s cheap and quick to pick up and drop off.

While we were waiting for our movies to come out, MJ had to go to the bathroom *really bad*. So bad he was squeezing himself the way only little boys can get away with when they really have to go potty and there isn’t one around. Since the house wasn’t more than 2 min. away, we decided he could wait until we got home.

This is the conversation that followed:

Me: Ok Buddy, I’m not going to speed, but I’ll get home as fast as I can. Can you wait?

MJ: Yeah Mom, I’ll just keep thinking dry thoughts.

Me: What kind of dry thoughts are you thinking?

MJ: crackers

Me: *stifling laughter* Really?  What else is dry?

MJ: …pretzels…animal crackers.

Me: Um, yeah…those are all pretty “dry”. You know what I think of when I think of dry? I think of SAND. Like a desert.

MJ: Oh Mommy, yeah! Like when you eat a whole entire tree. Well…not the leaves, cuz they aren’t so dry.

Me: *snort* Yeah, I guess a tree is pretty dry. The leaves, probably don’t tatse very good tho.

MJ: Oh Mommy! A brick is pretty dry! You could eat one of those, huh? Well..maybe not cuz that would break your teeth. Hahaha!

We laughed a little more and I sent him running inside the house to go before he had an accident. While he was opening the door, I could hear his yell, “NO TALKING TO ME…I HAVETA PEE”.

That kid…he’s pretty funny. And dry too.

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Dear Flabby,

See I have this friend.

She is a great person. She listens patiently, has a special way of asking how you are and really meaning it (which sometimes that makes me burst into tears), and always ALWAYS comments on my blog posts.

But I’ve let her down.

How do I say I’m sorry to the one person who has never let my blog down? Who is always there to cheer me on when I am down, who calls me to see how I am doing when I don’t keep in touch, and who sets such a real life Godly example of how to be a woman and Mom?

Do I send a card? Flowers? Shoes or jewelry?? Please help!

Signed,
Blog Blunder Betty

Dear Blunder,

You really can’t aplogize enough for the hurt and pain you have caused your friend. If you were really her friend, you would have sent a fruit basket with two plane tickets to Aruba or a backpacking trip thru the Ozark Mountains or something! You should be ashamed of yourself. You call yourself a blogger. You call yourself a friend!

Go pack your blogging bag and get the heck outta here. Go on!  Shoooo…

Signed,
Flabby

Dear Flabby,

That was really mean. I am a good friend. I am a better friend than I am blogger, I’ll grant you that, but really? Pack my blog bag? What kind of advice columnist are you? I know what I’ll do. Thanks for nothing!

Signed,
Blogger Flogged Betty

Dear Debbi,

I’m sorry for not including you in my last blog post. It was wrong. You read my blog also. Also, you comment regularly and I always look forward to what you have to say. Let’s make each other a deal: You blog more and I will too? What do you say?

Love ya,

Angie (aka Blog Blunder Betty- I couldn’t think of anything that ryhmed with Angie)

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The year in which I triumph….

It’s a new day, a new year. Well technically, it’s the 3rd new day of the new year, but who’s counting anyway?? Probably my Sister… <wink>

I’ve looked back on the last year and to tell you the truth, it has sort of sucked. Here’s a short recap of the year’s events.

  • January: Found out MDO was in jeopardy of closing.
  • February: Found out Dad had cancer.
  • March: Pretty much the same as February.
  • April and May: Wrapping up the closing of the school and the end of my much loved job.
  • June: Went to see Dad and visited during his Chemo treatments.
  • July: July was actually a pretty good month.
  • August: School started and I got to experience my first school day alone. Heaven!
  • September: 2 birthdays and lots of school activities, and the news that our dear friend Matt has lymphoma.
  • October: I can’t really remember October, except the last part of the month. I do know it felt pretty long and I thought it would never end. I did make a halloween dinner and then promptly got sick. Coincidence?
  • November: November brought a painful personal crisis, but somehow I made it through and am stronger for it.
  • December: Filled with lots of change and drama; new jobs for both my Sister and I, Sister decides to move to Utah, Christmas without family again this year, tight finances, car repairs, arthritis in my foot and general anxiety about life.

This brings us back to January. Reading the highlights or lowlights doesn’t seem so bad, but the emotional rollercoaster that our family went through with our Dad’s cancer diagnosis, threw us all in a tailspin. I think it’s been the hardest year of my life.

I can’t even say I am willing to make resolutions about going to the gym more, losing weight, or any other thing I think I’ve failed at and want to be better about. I wouldn’t mean it if I did.

I don’t know what this year will bring, but I hope and pray it’s better than last year. I think the best thing to come out of this year is the closeness I feel with my Dad. The possibility of death can bring people closer together with a sense of urgency. I want to squeeze in as much time with my Dad as I can. I feel so blessed that I was able to see him twice this year and got to spend some quality time with him. I’ve been praying that his cancer will be all gone when his next PET scan is done at the end of this month. I think I’ll even throw a party when he comes to visit us in February when he tells us the good news!

I pray you much health and happiness in the next 12 months. In the mean time, I’ll meet you back here regularly to update you and fill you in on the strange going-ons in my brain. I can’t guarentee they’ll always make sense or be intelligent, but I can promise they’ll be amusing at least.
Until then, I leave you with my slogan for the year: “CANCER BENIGN IN 2009”

Love,

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Please Stand By…..

I know it’s been at least 5 days since I posted last. Sorry about that.

I am not sure when the blogging bug will hit again. Maybe tomorrow, mabye next week.

Right now my heart and my mind are focused on the people I love who’s lives I am in constant prayer for. I pray for complete healing for my Dad, who got the word today that his cancer isn’t in remission, but new spots have reared their ugly head. I pray for Matt and Debbi who will be going on the rollercoaster ride of their life when the cancer treatment for him begins. I pray for Valerie who is still fighting for her life with Cystic Fibrosis and the battle that rages on in her lungs that her body is rejecting. I pray for Laura who is awaiting the arthritis confirmation her doctors believe she has. Only God knows what he has planned for each of them, and I trust that He does. I also ask God to help me through each of these relationships, that I can be there to meet their needs what ever they may be and that I remain strong in Him because when I am at my weakest God is at his strongest and will provide me with all things, big or small.

In the mean time, I will be keeping busy with life in general. Keep checking back- you never know when I’ll be moved to write something…and hopefully it’ll be worth reading!

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The sheep don’t like it….lock the taskbar

Or is it lock the cat box? Answer tones. They are fun when you buy 3 of them for your phone, but when you buy three of them to shuffle them up so when people call you, they are greeted with some muzak while they for you to answer, and you accidentally put them on your husbands phone number and not yours, not so much fun after all. Although, it’s fun to hear Rock the Casbah every time you call.

Remember this commercial?

 

It cracks me up every time. So I am sitting at my computer and I moved the task bar over to see a window pop-up and when I moved it back…whamo! I saw it’s really LOCK THE TASKBAR, not stop the cat box. No? What-ev. It’s funny.

Ok, so remember this:

101-0627-thumb.jpg

Yeah, looks painful huh? Today we made an appointment to have those walnuts taken out of his throat. On Thursday. The 10 of July. In two days, my baby will drink some “silly juice” and feel relaxed ( we just call that wine, but ok, silly juice it is) and then they will let him sniff some bubble gum “happy air” ( and we call those sharpies) and then he’ll go Night Night for a bit and when he wakes up, he’ll get ice cream and popsicles. (not to be confused with testicles as the built in dictionary would have me replace that word with-stupid dictionary). So there you have it. 2 weeks of Mommy’s attention and all the ice cream and popsicles ( your are totally replacing that word with testicles in your mind aren’t you? Shame on you! That’s gross. Now go to your room.) he can eat. Then he’ll be ready for camp. And 3 weeks later school will start. Hallelujah! And my days? – will be free at last God almighty, free at last.

Jon is on the mend from his butt attack. He sees the surgeon for his 2 week follow-up on Thursday. Hopefully the Doctor won’t let him be cleared for Softball just yet. I wouldn’t want him to hurt himself and be in pain again, therefore being not only a pain in his own ass, but mine as well. I’m done being nursemaid to him, I’ve moved on to the other baby in the house. Sorry honey! You weren’t that big of a baby, you were mostly asleep the whole time. Thanks for the quiet! Kiss Kiss!

Lauren also has a shindig Thursday night for her Art Summer school, which only one of us will be able to attend because of MJ’s surgery. I am bummed because I really wanted to go to see my budding artist and all her work. I’m also curious to see how her work compares to the other kids in her class, so I can declare my child’s talent as superior. Ahem…sorry…my head just exploded.

Let see, what else is going on in our freakin’ chaotic lives? Oh yeah, I volunteered for Mission Kid’s Camp next week, but I am secretly relieved that I get to stay home with MJ while he recoups. Isn’t that terrible? It is…I’m a baaaad girl. What-ever…I am totally going to baby my baby…movies, ice cream, juice, and pudding. He’ll deserve it…Grampa says it hurts a lot, but he’s a big boy..he’ll be fine!

I went to ladies night out tonight and gathered with my gal-pals! Who knew you could stay until they kicked you out at the Corner Bakery. It closes at 9pm, how lame is that?? They even turned off the outside lights on us as we stood out there talking. How wuude!

I am totally rambl……….<Angie falls asleep on keyboard>