Category: Face it I’m funny

humor, funny posts, things that make me laugh

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Cuz her birthday is too bootylicious for you, babe.

Being the jealous type, I can’t let my Sister have the only birthday bucket list** for this year (see left sidebar for list and progress). So in honor of my bestest friend and Sister, I am going to list 38 things I’d like to accomplish before I turn 38, which is in 117 days.

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  1. Read 20 17 decorating magazines.
  2. Eat pizza at least 7 6 4 times.
  3. Go to the bathroom ALONE 38 34 1 times.
  4. Eat an entire package of Oreos by myself and not gain a pound. Ok, it wasn’t an entire package. Just about 10.
  5. Shop at Wal-Mart Target Dollar Spot 10 5 times in honor of Debily. (Because if I shop 10 times at the Target, I’ll spend all my money.)
  6. Go to Utah for my Sister’s birthday.
  7. Read my Pioneer Woman Cookbook all the way through.
  8. Make buy and send 3 cards.
  9. Have lunch with 4 3 2 of my friends before October.
  10. Host a bible study in my house for 7 4 weeks.
  11. Make a red tie or a black vest for Lauren’s costume for A-Fest.
  12. Eat 3 2 pieces of cake. (A cupcake can count for cake)
  13. Buy 10 new songs from iTunes.
  14. Talk to my parents on Skype once a week until the end of the year.
  15. Hug my Sister 10 15 5 times. In person.
  16. See my Auntie Dana. In person!
  17. Sleep 702 697 655 hours between now and my birthday.
  18. Lose another 21 lbs or 320 319 oz. which ever comes first.
  19. Attend WW meetings every week.
  20. Make homemade bread.
  21. Cook dinner at least 6 5 nights a week. Cereal counts.
  22. Laugh until my stomach hurts.
  23. Eat at In and Out Burger and El Pollo Loco.
  24. Paint my bedroom.
  25. Paint the hallway.
  26. Paint the bathroom.
  27. Paint the boys room.
  28. Take 10 5 naps.
  29. Re-paint the Lady of Castile painting for over my bed.
  30. Blog every week.
  31. Finish blogging about my trip to Europe.
  32. Take each of my kids on a date.
  33. Fly in a plane. Again.
  34. Drink at least 10 9 frozen Dr. Pepper’s.
  35. Go out on 7 5 dates with my husband.
  36. Get a pedicure.
  37. Walk the boy to school 5 times (when the weather cools down) May be never at this point.
  38. Save $1000 dollars in the bank.

So there ya go! I wonder how many I can cross off my list by December 26th??

Love and buckets,

angies-sig

** This list is intended to be light hearted and playful. I am NOT making fun of my Sister and her terrific 40 before 40 list. I just didn’t have anything interesting to write about and even I don’t want to hear my own self complain anymore. Love you Sister!!

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Man, I used to be funny when I blogged…long, long ago in a galaxy far away.

Death by sucrose

Psst… Matt this post is by: Angie at 12:01pm on 07/18/2006.

I am looking into a new way of life. Sugar Coma. Ever heard of it? I just discovered it myself actually. Comine spaghetti, gooey butter cake in obscene amounts, and what’s left in your system from last night’s Ambien, and mix. Viola! Sugar Coma. Don’t be alarmed. I am ok for now. I expect it to completely take over any minute now.

Oh and here is another peice of advice. Don’t drink a half gallon of apple juice in less than 2 hours. Especially when your fridge’s water filter is removed because you need to change it and so the water that comes out of the fridge tastes like the water that you would pull out of your toilet on a hot day. And you are so thristy that your lips are all chapped and you haven’t been drinking much water because no matter what you flavor it with, it smells and tastes like your dog (if you had one) used it to rinse the stinky doggie breath out of his mouth, spit it into said toilet on a hot day and said toilet was outside. Yeah, that bad. Anywhooo…yeah and when you drink nearly that much apple juice and then eat dinner, don’t be surprised if you have to run to the bathroom every 5 min. I’m just saying this in case you were craving apple juice. in large quantities. Don’t. You’ll be glad you listened to me. Oh and we finally changed our water filter…..(Dan was complaining that it was taking forever!)…… Not a moment too soon, I was going resort to drinking milk or worse- coffee! I know, I know huh?!!

On a lighter note, I am going to see Tim McGraw and Faith Hill in concert on Friday with my very bestest, most favorite sister in all the world!! Well, ok, I only have one sister, but if I had more, she would be numero uno, the petite enchillada! 😀 I am so excited, I can’t wait! I only have a frillion and three things left to do before she gets here and yet, here I sit, in a sugar coma….well maybe not coma, but definately a sugar doze. nap? wotevah! Bring on the gooey butter cake/bars….with the stick of buttah and 4 cups of powdered sugar and 3 eggs AND a yellow cake mix! OHMYGOLLYGEE….yum-o!

well I am off for a snooze in my sugar boat….adios world.

*** disclaimer ***
Angie is not responsible for what ever non-sense comes out of her mouth when said butter bars are consumed. Who thought of those things anyways? The cake mafia?

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Misplaced by Angie at 12:01pm on 07/18/2006

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Dear Flabby,

See I have this friend.

She is a great person. She listens patiently, has a special way of asking how you are and really meaning it (which sometimes that makes me burst into tears), and always ALWAYS comments on my blog posts.

But I’ve let her down.

How do I say I’m sorry to the one person who has never let my blog down? Who is always there to cheer me on when I am down, who calls me to see how I am doing when I don’t keep in touch, and who sets such a real life Godly example of how to be a woman and Mom?

Do I send a card? Flowers? Shoes or jewelry?? Please help!

Signed,
Blog Blunder Betty

Dear Blunder,

You really can’t aplogize enough for the hurt and pain you have caused your friend. If you were really her friend, you would have sent a fruit basket with two plane tickets to Aruba or a backpacking trip thru the Ozark Mountains or something! You should be ashamed of yourself. You call yourself a blogger. You call yourself a friend!

Go pack your blogging bag and get the heck outta here. Go on!  Shoooo…

Signed,
Flabby

Dear Flabby,

That was really mean. I am a good friend. I am a better friend than I am blogger, I’ll grant you that, but really? Pack my blog bag? What kind of advice columnist are you? I know what I’ll do. Thanks for nothing!

Signed,
Blogger Flogged Betty

Dear Debbi,

I’m sorry for not including you in my last blog post. It was wrong. You read my blog also. Also, you comment regularly and I always look forward to what you have to say. Let’s make each other a deal: You blog more and I will too? What do you say?

Love ya,

Angie (aka Blog Blunder Betty- I couldn’t think of anything that ryhmed with Angie)

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Shoes and Food, two of my favorite things…..

bread-shoe.jpgThis new craze in foot wear is sweeping the nation. Shoes that you can eat. And for you toe fetish people, toes! That you can eat! This all natural, green alternative to footwear started in the small kitchen somewhere in Santa Cruz. Californians are known for their prize winning sourdough, so it seemed like a natural fit to combine a love of shoes, a desire for a greener earth, and the yummy goodness of bread.

Worried about getting the bottom of your shoe dirty? Never fear, a patent-pending technology has been created in a secret process where a protective coating is applied to the bottom of the shoe. When you are hungry, you take the shoe, peel off the coating, and pull out your convenient travel butter-boy and sit in the park and have lunch. Be careful though! You may have to keep the birds and other small animals away from your feet, or you might have to share your lunch. Other patent-pending advantages include pillow soft cushioning (no more gellin’ like a fellon), moisture absorbing properties (think cornmeal), and depending on your style preference, (Rye, Poppy, Marble, or Cheddar) a endless variety in pattern and color!

If you are feeling spicy, why not wear your cheddar jalepeno heels? If you get hungry while salsa dancing, you can share a snack with your friends and save money on appetizers! More conservative? I would recommend the pump-ernickel (get it? its a pump made out of pumpernickel?) It’s stylish, timeless, and goes with every suit you own.
Don’t have any shoes to go with that new brown polka-dot dress you bought for Church 2 weeks ago? Introducing our newest line of kitten heels; Cinnamon Raisin Swirl Pointy-Toed sling backs. Not only do they smell heavenly, but they are as soft a cloud and great for sharing with your Sunday School Class afterwards! The best part is, they also come in Low-Fat!! How awesome is that?

Do something for the planet! Do something for your stomach! Do something, anything. Seriously. Get up off your ass and go and buy some bread shoes! You won’t be sorry….or hungry!

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Paw slappin’ break…

redneckdogs Found this picture while hunting around for Redneck Costume Ideas for Lauren’s upcoming Youth Camp next Wednesday. This cracks me up. I guess I have lived in Texas too long! Dad, if you read this, I do NOT own my own pair of Bubba teeth….anymore. I think they sell them in Oklahoma at any gas station.