Sweetbippy

Just so I don’t forget….. April 2, 2020

Gas price a mile from home was $1.50
School cancelled – yes cancelled
Self-distancing measures on the rise.
Tape on the floors at grocery stores and others to help distance shoppers (6ft) from each other.
Limited number of people inside stores, therefore, lineups outside the store doors.
Non-essential stores and businesses mandated closed.
Parks, trails, entire cities locked up.
Entire sports seasons cancelled.
Concerts, tours, festivals, entertainment events – cancelled.
Weddings, family celebrations, holiday gatherings – cancelled.
No masses, churches are closed.
No gatherings of 50 or more, then 20 or more, now 5 or more.
Don’t socialize with anyone outside of your home.
Children’s outdoor play parks are closed.
We are to distance from each other.
Shortage of masks, gowns, gloves for our front-line workers.
Shortage of ventilators for the critically ill.
Panic buying sets in and we have no toilet paper, no disinfecting supplies, no paper towels, no laundry soap, no hand sanitizer.
Shelves are bare.
Manufacturers, distilleries and other businesses switch their lines to help make visors, masks, hand sanitizer and PPE.
Government closes the border to all non-essential travel.
Fines are established for breaking the rules.
Stadiums and recreation facilities open up for the overflow of Covid-19 patients.
Press conferences daily from the President. Daily updates on new cases, recoveries, and deaths.
Government incentives to stay home.
Barely anyone on the roads.
People wearing masks and gloves outside.
Essential service workers are terrified to go to work.
Medical field workers are afraid to go home to their families.

This is the Novel Coronavirus (Covid-19) Pandemic, declared March 11th, 2020.

Why, you ask, do I write this status?

One day it will show up in my memory feed, and it will be a yearly reminder that life is precious and not to take the things we dearly love for granted.

We have so much!
Be thankful. Be grateful.
Be kind to each other – love one another – support everyone.

We are all one!

h/t: Poster on FB

I’ve never really been a coffee drinker. When I would go to Starbucks, I would order a coffee drink, but it had to be super sweet with so much cream and sugar, I don’t think if qualified as “coffee”. Jon used to tease me that only real men (and women) drink their coffee black. Blech.

So here I am, with a coffee aversion and I find this great job learning all about the nuances of foods. I learned so much about myself because I had all these opinions about certain foods and couldn’t explain why I didn’t like things like peanut butter! Who doesn’t like peanut butter? Me. You know why someone wouldn’t like peanut butter (besides those allergic to it) is because of the roast of the peanuts. When something is roasted, it can take on a bitter quality. There are so many ways something can go wrong when cooking/roasting it. I’m not a food scientist, so I won’t attempt to explain all the science-y things, lol, so I’ll just put this little quote in that explains a little about bitterness.

• 

People used to think that the tongue was split into a kind of “taste map,” with different areas able to detect sweetness, saltiness, sourness and bitterness. But now, we know that flavor can be tasted in all parts of the tongue.
This is because our tongues’ sensory cells contain numerous proteins. And around 35 of these (according to the US America’s Institute for Quality and Efficiency in Health Care) react with the compounds in food substances to create the experience of bitterness.

Back to the business of why I don’t like peanut butter. I found out through my training, the reason why was because of the roasting process and some brands over roast their peanuts which leads to a bitter taste. Most peanut butters are like this and the general population accepts this as the way it’s supposed to taste. Not me! I will only imbibe in peanut butter if it’s mixed with or paired with chocolate. I know..reeses are my weakness…the thins are just the right amount of PB!

So coffee was one of those things that I refused to get involved with because it was bitter and acidic. Or so I thought.

Cut to coffee talk every Friday with my best friend Debbi. We would meet for “coffee” but really it was a blended drink equivalent to a frappachino. I would try all the flavored blended drinks, most certainly staying away from straight coffee or a strong coffee flavor…again, scared of the bitter factor.

I wet my toes in iced coffee when I started working early hours. I needed some, nay lots of caffeine to get me through the am and of course I used lots of creamer and sugar! I found that the darker the cold brew the better it tasted. It reminded me of dark chocolate.
I asked my food scientist trainer why I like my coffee so dark and she explained that the darker the roast, the less acidic it was depending on the beans. Aha! Time to dip in the dark waters a little more and drink the coffee the way I liked. I tried to order my coffee drinks with more espresso instead of drip coffee just to see if the darker flavor was more palatable to me. And it was! ::cue maniacal laugh::

I stared ordering a caramel macchiato with extra caramel and an extra shot of espresso at my favorite coffee shop that I have frequented for the last 9 years with my best friend, Debbi. That’s 4 shots of espresso in a large coffee. LOL Needless to say I was buzzed after drinking all that delish nectar.

Fast forward to last Christmas when my husband surprised me with an espresso machine for my birthday. The Nespresso VirtuoPlus.

It’s a yummy machine that came with a milk frother for drinks with foam and the most delicious coffees I have ever had. It’s has changed the way I view coffee. I need to drink it everyday…sounds like a coffee addiction, but seriously, it’s so yum that I miss it when I don’t get that tempting latte colored liquid! I don’t know that much about the drinks and types of drinks baristas make, but I do know what I like. I think I make cappuccinos instead of macchiatos, but that’s potato, puh-ta-toe. All I know is, it makes me happy and I never thought it would or could. I have really awesome conversations with Jon about what kind of coffee capsules we want to order. He’s even become addicted to Affogato, which is an Italian word translated to “drowned” in english. What is drowned is a scoop of gelato or ice cream in that dark espresso nectar. Jon enjoys it with decaf, but it’s a little too strong coffee ice cream flavor for me. What can I say? I’m still picky. 😀

What kind of coffee do you like, if at all? Are you more of a tea drinker? Curious minds want to know! Comment below and let’s chat!

Back to the grind… (see what I did there?),

I’ve posted on Facebook before about what I do for a living. I don’t know that I’ve told the story of HOW I got my job.

In 2016 I was looking for work after a harrowing 4 years of grief and sadness after my Dad died, I got really sick, had surgery twice and buried multiple loved ones. I was ready finally to get back into the workforce. We needed the extra income and I needed to be around people and be social.
What I didn’t realize is how instrumental this job would be in getting me back into a place of peace and happiness.

I answered an ad on Craigslist. It asked if I was a foodie and would I be interested in a career in food tasting. I was excited and nervous, but confident that yes, I was a foodie, and yes I would enjoy a career in food tasting, duh! Anyone who knows me knows I wanted to become a chef in high school and although those dreams didn’t come to fruition, I still yearned for a career in food.

When I answered the ad, there was a screening process to go though and lots of questions asked about how I viewed food, how I would describe a particular food, how would I cook a steak, did I eat at fast food restaurants, etc. It was a long questionnaire and I felt like I did well in answering the screening.
I received a call a couple of days later asking me if I would like to interview, and of course I said yes!
A week later I was pulling up to a large campus at Frito Lay Headquarters and feeling confused and nervous about what lay ahead. I had no idea the job would be working with or for Frito Lay! It was exciting and daunting at the same time.

I entered a conference room set up with long tables with cups all over it and instructions on what to do. It was called an acuity screening, which is another way to find out what my level of knowledge is about basic tastes, could I tell if something was salty or sweet or bitter or sour, could I tell the difference between smells, like almond, clove, or even anise (licorice flavoring). Needless to say, I passed with flying colors because I am and always have been very attuned to flavor and taste. I’ve come to have an understanding of WHY I was so picky about certain foods and why my taste buds seemed to be different than others.

After the screening was finished, I was lead to an interview with one of the people who work for a Sensory company and found out what I would be doing working with Frito Lay. It was very intriguing to me. I really wanted to do this job and hoped with all my might they would call me back and offer me a job.

I got the call and started work on May 17, 2016. It took 3 months to certify to be called a Descriptive Analyst, and a year later in September of 2017, I was asked to take over the position of Technician all while remaining a panelist. It was tough at first to do both jobs, but I love a challenge and it has become one of my favorite parts of my job because I get to work in a kitchen lab and prepare all the references and samples that our panel tests with. I also love working as a panel leader because I get to put on the hat of leader and guide them through discussions and getting our group aligned to one another for testing.

 

Four years later I am still working with the company and I love it! I’ve made new friends, developed many new skills, and helped create protocols and procedures that have helped make my job easier and more efficient.

Basically, I love being a foodie! It’s helped me to find m place in the world and feel like I contribute to the world…the world of snacks!

Oh, I almost forgot…I eat chips for a living. We work every day on testing chips from around the world to make sure they meet the high quality standards that Frito Lay is known for. Consequently, I do NOT eat chips recreationally anymore, haha! Once you break apart what a chip tastes like and what kind of texture it has, and how bad it can taste when it goes stale, you can only eat certain kinds because all the other chips taste like CRAP! lol

If you have stuck with my story this long, here’s a little video on what goes on in a Sensory Lab in New Jersey, where our main headquarters is located. I’m basically the lady that passes out the samples in the lab coat, ( I don’t wear one cause I get SO hot doing my job), and I’m also one of the people who are sitting down and getting the samples. I wear many hats! Enjoy the video!

Happy Chip eating,

 

• 

• 

• 

I can’t believe it’s been 5 years since I blogged last. Is blogging even a thing anymore? I watch a lot of VLOGS, but pretty much stopped reading blogs because of all the dang ads that pop up every five seconds.

Anywhoo…

How the heck are you?

I’m good. Much better than I was for the last 6 months.
Let’s just say, I went through a very tough time with depression and a newly diagnosed mood disorder. Also? I have ADHD and finally have a remedy for all the chaos that was always in my head. It’s been nice to feel focused and “normal” and not whatever label people are putting on those with mental illness or any disorder these days. Not to say that I haven’t been supported by my friends and family, but there is still stigma about mental illness out there in the world. It’s a new and great thing that more people are talking openly about it. It’s not as taboo as it once was. I’m an open book! If someone can be helped by my experiences, then that makes me happy.

Anywhoo…;)

I want to start documenting my life again. It was fun to look back on what I was doing 10 years ago. I have pictures, but words are forever. LOL No, seriously, I need a record of my life so I can be reminded of how good it is. Even when there is “bad”.

Now that I have a computer again, I think it will be easier for me to keep up with this blog. I hope you’ll come back to visit when I do post. That would be swell.

Thanks for listening to my random rambling!

See you on the flip side!

Tap….tap…is this thing on?

 

ok, so, I’ve been away for a while. I didn’t mean to be gone for so long, but life and grief sort of got in the way.

As dumb as it sounds, I’ve gotten a new computer and now I can access my stuffs in this lifetime. Sitting around waiting for that little hourglass to work is an exercise in patience.

anywhooo….

Just to prove I didn’t disappear or turn into a troll or something…I give you me. #realtalk

So…lots been happening since 2013.

Shocking I know. Life went on. Even after my Dad died. Funny how that happens. And I mean funny as in ironic, not funny HA-HA.

Since then, two daughters graduated high school, one is in college and now another will start in the fall. My son turned 16 and is learning to drive. So is the nearly 21 (TWENTY-ONE!!! OMG) year old. She’s pretty good so far. If I was better at
letting her have control of the car and actually take her driving, she’d be much better by now, but I’m a ball of phobias and anxiousness when it comes to letting any of my children drive. Can’t explain it, just know it’s hard for me.

My youngest son is now in middle school. I mean, when did they get my permission to grow up?? I don’t remember telling them they could grow so fast.

My sister moved to Texas last year! Almost 14 months ago to be sort of exact. I should remember the exact date she moved here, but lots was going on and I don’t really know. She would though. She’s good at dates and such.

Let’s see…

I have been going to a recovery group for about 17 months and it has really helped me with the grief and loss of my Dad and other family members who died within a year of my Dad. Pain and loss is a really dark place to be and this group of people has really helped me let go of a lot of resentments and learn to accept that I am wholly and completely loved and accepted by them and most of all, Jesus. No strings, no waiting to be a better human, just love and grace.

Lots of new things on the horizon this year. Lots of projects on my to-do list. How about a list? I haven’t done one in a while!!

• Move the kids rooms around AGAIN. One leaves for college and isn’t coming back home next summer, so that means we switch! Seems to be the only way any of the rooms get painted. 😀
• Paint our bedroom! Can’t wait for that one. We cleaned out closets and built new ones for Jon and now we both have our own space and it’s stayed tidy for weeks now! Huzza!
• Clean our the garage. Blech. Nuff said.
• Paint several pieces of furniture for either selling or keeping. Haven’t decided which yet. I keep thinking the pieces would sell better if they were spruced up a little, but then if they are too cute, I won’t be able to sell them!
• Minor organizing projects in the works: linen closets, coat closets, and craft closets.

I think that’s all I can think of for now. Seems like there is always stuff to do and re-do. It will be a challenge to keep myself busy and create hobbies for myself as  the kids get older and move away from home 9 months out of the year, but I can do it! It’ll be fun.

I’m currently in a summer reading phase. Love me some books from the library. In two days I read, When She Woke by Hillary Jordan. It’s actually set in my Texas town! How weird is that? Talks about many places in the book I recognize (street names, highways, and towns). I thought it was quite strange and coincidental that I would find a list of books on someone else’s pinterest feed and then decide to try it out, only to discover that the book is set in the town I live in, years into the distopian future! *Cue Twilight Zone Music*
The next two books I have on hold at the library seem like a couple of easy reads, so I’m looking forward to diving into them before I have to return them!

Seems like a fitting place to end this blog post… No way I could catch you up on all the goings on around this house, but without promising I’ll be back to blog everyday or some unrealistic time frame, I’ll just say, “Until then…” See ya!

 

xo,

 

     If childhood was a sentence, it would be a run-on, punctuated with ampersands and semicolons; a seemingly never-ending line cut short by a period composed of the revealed secret of Santa Claus’ whereabouts and a sudden disinterest in Barbies and/or Hotwheels. *

     I barely remember most of my childhood.  Only fleeting glimpses of random events interrupted by blank memory shelves.  My mind is a house.  Bare, save the necessities. A bed fashioned from love-laced strokes into my hair from my Mother.  A couch stuffed with laughter resulting from flipping through photo albums.  A table constructed of home cooked meals, sandpapered smooth by jokes and gentle teasing.  Only the important things fill my memory.

     It seemed to go on forever, my childhood.  Constituted of visits to the toy section at Target and watching new episodes of Spongebob Squarepants that are now faded and cheesy.  My weeks were split into days at preschool and days at home, which I dreaded due to the new baby.  Resentment curling bitterly in my stomach at the meaty fisted toddler babbling vicariously in place of words as I ignored them in favor of the sickening optimistic Teletubbies.  After, balancing on the balls of my feet to search for a pink backpack that indicated my older sister coming home from kindergarten.  These memories were the threads that connected my childhood together, sewing them together and binding my autobiography from loose sheets of paper memories.

     It really does end quickly.   Innocence snatched away so suddenly, the whiplash sends you hurtling toward pre-teen attitude and teenage angst.  I began reading Harry Potter instead of Junie B. Jones, going from playing dress up to actually dressing up.  Subtle changes that were so miniscule, I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye. Like the smell of dish soap overpowering the scent of baked cookies; homely and childish ignorance replaced by the harsh antiseptic of reality.

     Like sitting in bed as it storms both outside and inside as my parents fight over money.  My life thus far simplified into nostalgic memories to mull over as I drift to sleep.

     If childhood is a run-on sentence, then adolescence is a bad metaphor interrupted suddenly by adulthood and forcing the children at heart to look toward the future and-  time to grow up. *

 

*Note from teacher "You seriously earned an A with 1 sentence." and "This is beautiful! Excellent work!"

 

I think I have a writer on my hands.  She told me once she wasn’t good at anything creative.  Um…I think she’s found an outlet!  We want more…we want more! (Name that commercial.)

Great job Brenna!   A++ for sure!!

I open my Firefox browser everyday. The first thing that pops up on  my home page is my blog. For the last 10 months the only 2 posts on there are two of the saddest of my life. The first being in May of 2012 when Dad’s cancer was found in his liver and then after he died around his birthday in January.

I’m tired of being sad.

Yes, I’m still sad. I still cry. I still mourn.

The thing is, I’m still mourning and the rest of the world has moved on. They are living their lives and moving forward. Sometimes it feels like they’re moving forward without me, but that’s because I’m still stuck in the grief. Stuck in the sticky mess of pain and memories. It’s so hard to let those images go when you watch someone die, be it peaceful or otherwise. It’s no less traumatic than if my Dad was shot in front of me. My heart still skips a beat and then aches physically when I remember that day.  That moment his heart stopped beating.

 

I have to move forward. I have to keep walking and lift my feet one step at a time.

 

Thank goodness for anti-depressants. I’m serious. Those nay-sayers can have their opinions about drugs and whatnot, but when you are unable to function and get out of bed because your body and your mind are lost in grief, then they are a miracle.

 

I have so much to say. So much to write.

 

I am committing to writing my blog again. I can’t let myself fall off the face of the earth because I’m sad. I’m too precious to the world for that. I am loved and cared for by more people than I can count and a family who would like to have their Mom and wife back.  I’m a daughter of God who has carried me thru these difficult months and only wants the best for me.

 

I’m not going to be afraid to talk about things here.

I’ve said it before when I first started this blog. This is my safe place. I’m free to talk about my life and what I want people to know. I’m an open book. I need to be able to talk about things that others might have an opinion on and not feel scared to voice mine.

 

I’ll be back. I promise.

 

I want to tell you about why I love olives and preserved lemons. Why I have a bucket full of petrified dog poop in my backyard and why I’ve gone gluten free and I don’t want to talk about it all on Facebook. You’re welcome.

 

So I leave you with two questions:

 

 

1. Have you had these yet??

2. If not, then HOW COME???!!! They are insanely good!

 

Love and Chocolate Covered Nuts,

 

   The leaves shuttered as the wind whipped
through the trees. The quiet in the car mimicked what we were feeling in our hearts. We didn’t want to be here, but the day was upon us. The day we were to wish our Dad a Happy Birthday, the day we get to see his completed headstone, and the day our hearts break all over again with the memories of watching him take his last breath and his heart beat its last pulse.

      Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery is a beautiful piece of land. Everywhere you look hundreds of rows of white marble fixed neatly in perfect symmetry, there for the rest of eternity, marking where beloved souls are laid to rest remind us of the sacrifice these men and women made for our freedom. Reverence and respect hang heavy in the air.

     It didn’t take us long to find Dads grave. With printout in hand we set out for 1JJb-2218.  Winding around the grounds to the newly added section made it obvious where he was laid to rest. The ground was still muddy from the lack of sod and what moisture the winter had brought so far.

MICHAEL JOHN HARMS
HMC US NAVY
JAN 21 1947
NOV 25 2012
LOVING DAD
BELOVED GRANDPA
AND BROTHER
REST IN PEACE

     There were people milling about visiting their loved ones. Blankets of pine boughs decorated various graves for the Christmas holiday. Rebel family members left balloons, real flowers, and even a fishing lure on the headstone of Dad’s neighbor.  Our Dad wouldn’t have wanted us to fuss over him, in real life or death. We opted to visit and just remember together why our hearts are still so sad and to wish him a Happy 66^th Birthday.

     Unbelief still tugs at our brains. Our minds trick us daily, remembering we haven’t called him recently and then reality slaps us awake and the pain washes over us. How could this have happened? How could he leave us? The slow realization that he didn’t leave us by choice soaks in. He fought so hard to stay in this world. He promised he would do everything in his power to stay. He was so brave. He could have given up. He’s our hero for fighting.

     The trees continue to shiver with the wind. The weather is crisp and cool but not cold. The winter is mild here in Missouri. Dad would have been happy to know it wasn’t freezing or snowing. He hated the snow. We say our last goodbyes and make our way back to the car with just a few tender tears shed. We ignore the gnawing feeling in our guts that his body is in the ground and so far away from us, never to be hugged again, never to be lovingly looked at by those kind brown eyes, so full of care and concern for us. The thoughts have to be pushed out of our minds because it’s too much to bear, so we head to our next destination; new life in baby Carter. Hope for the future and a life well lived.

Michael John Harms loved life. It wasn’t always great, but he lived it to his fullest and had a wonderful adventure! The hole left in our lives and hearts can never be closed, but the memories and love we have for him can make it less empty as we pick up the pieces of our broken hearts and learn a new way of living this crazy life without him.

                 Happy Birthday, Daddy.

      We love you and miss you with all of our hearts. We thank God that he chose you to be our Dad. One day we’ll be together again and what a glorious day that will be.

 

Love always,

Leslie & Angie

 

We got some bad news today. My Dad’s cancer has spread to his liver. I’m sad and disappointed.

So I did something for myself. I painted my dogs picture on canvas. I sketched it a week ago and today I finished it. I love my Buddy.

 

 

He pees on everything and howls when we leave him in is crate.

He sucks on his bed and gets playful when we blow on his head.

He runs around the house like a lunatic after his baths and slides all over the floor like it’s greased.

He rubs his face in the grass outside and he loves to lay in the sun.

He LOVES chicken but hates fruit.

We  adopted him 3 months ago from the local shelter and I love him with a love I didn’t know I needed.

He keeps me company and when I cry, he lays beside me and comforts me.

I love him.

Amen.