Finding my purpose

I saw a glimpse into my future today. It was sort of lonely and aimless. It will be that way unless I get on track and  Good thing we are able to change the future by our actions.
With the kids being gone at school for 6+ hours a day, my mothering duties have been given a reprieve. For that I am grateful. However, for 6+ hours a day, I get to find out what I like to do and what gives me pleasure while still balancing my family/mothering duties. That could be a challenge. Yesterday I didn’t know what I should do with my free time. Here I had time to do whatever I wanted (within reason) and I couldn’t think of anything! I felt lost trying to figure out what to do. Then all the worries, all the anxiety bubbled up to the surface last night, causing a mini breakdown after supper. I shared my fears with Jon about who I wanted to become as I worked on myself and new routines and how I am afraid to fail because I have so many times in the past.
I certainly have high standards for myself don’t I?! I tend to want to come out swinging, only to fall short of my goal before I even get there! It’s day two of EmptyNestFest 08 and I am still formulating a plan. Here is what I would like to do with my time. Now whether or not I will get all of those things done during the school year is another thing entirely!! But I will try and give it my best shot.

• Finish multiple creative/decorating projects that have been started and never finished like; painting the front door, redoing the tile in the entry, painting my bathroom, making new pillows with the pretty fabric I just bought, hanging the iron brackets I found at a salvage place, putting up the picture frame I got on clearance, painting multiple pieces of furniture, several scrapbook / art projects, and washing my white sofa slipcovers.
• Cleaning the house on a regular basis so it’s easier to keep up with and not a marathon session every time.
• Going to the gym 5 days a week.
• Re-decorating my master bedroom.
• Painting murals on the kids bedroom walls.
• Having lunch with my friends and Jon regularly.
• Having friends over to just hang out.
• Learn a new sport like tennis or racquet ball or a new hobby like ceramics or painting on canvas with oils.
• Practice my softball skills each week with Kim.
• Take a college class on art or admin skills.

A lot of these things cost money. Money of which we don’t have a lot of  because I am not working, so being on a budget is something to get use to as well. My goal is to save money while cooking at home so I can sneak in little projects here and there. It will take some time, but I will have that too, so I need to be patient with myself. Daily reminders that it’s only the beginning of my journey and I need to be gentle and kind to myself is something I would like to learn as well. All in all….it’s going to be a good year! It won’t be perfect, but that’s ok…I’m not, but Jesus is and through Him I can do all things! Can I get an Amen?!

Tonight I trusted myself and my team and I stepped out of the box as I gave my 100% best to play softball. This is an act of obedience for me because I would never just decide on a whim to start playing a sport, especially one I know little about. The only reason I agreed to come out to a practice once was because I was trying to prove to Kim that I sucked!! I didn’t actually suck and I think if I was lighter on my feet I would do darn well. Tonight I held my own. I watched the ball, stayed patient, and ended up being walked my first time at the plate. The second time at bat, I hit a grounder and ran as fast as I could, but didn’t make it to first. I was really ok with that because I gave it my all. I put forth everything I had, even when I didn’t think I had anything left to give. I am proud of myself. It makes me want to keep going so I can prove to myself that I am worth the effort. We all are worth the effort to make ourselves better, to challenge ourselves to become more than we think we can be. I saw my future again tonight. It was no less challenging, but it was one I worked hard at, achieving goals I didn’t think were possible, and finding the me I protected inside for so long. Good thing our futures aren’t set in stone, because mine just got brighter.

It is done.

Today I sent my last child to school. Today Weatherford has seen it’s fourth Stueve come through it’s hallowed halls. I should be a mess. I should be a crying, sobbing, wracked shell of a Mother. Instead, I am sort of numb. I don’t feel sad, but I don’t feel as ecstatic as I thought I would. As I drove home, I asked myself what the heck I would do today. I almost drew a blank. Almost. The other tasks that came to mind didn’t sound as appealing as I thought they would! Cleaning for 6 hours seemed a little extreme given the pain in my elbow and wrist, perhaps a previous cleaning injury? Who knows how I ended up with pain in my elbow this morning.

Jon and I didn’t get up as early as we had planned. I prepared ahead of time and cleaned up the kitchen to make it ready for a breakfast of eggs and toast. We got the eggs made, but no toast. The kids were all chomping at the bit to go to school. Michael was especially excited. He was up and dressed and ready to go before I was done brushing my teeth!

At the front door, we took our traditional first day of school pics. This time though, Michael wasn’t going to preschool, but elementary school.

When he got to his class, he didn’t have a name on a locker yet. He was a little disappointed when he didn’t the get the locker he originally picked at Meet the teacher night, so He picked a locker at the very end on the bottom. He pouted just a bit, but then quickly found his seat and seemed ready to start the day with his new friends.

Last night, Michael asked me in his sweet concerned little voice, “Mommy? What are you going to do when I am at school?” I said, “Lots of stuff!” He said back, “But you’ll be all alone!” I asked him, “Are you worried I’ll miss you and be lonely? Don’t worry sweetheart, I’ll be just fine and so excited to see you again!!” He smiled and wrapped his arms around my neck and gave me a big hug and a kiss. Gotta love that kid. He has spent the last 6 years with me all the time. I am going to miss him, but glad he gets to experience school like his brother and sisters. I can’t wait to hear how his new day was!

Learning to control my thirst

I’ve done it. I’m exhausted; spent. I’m finished with the Twilight Series. Finally.

Yet….I need more. I dreamt about what I read last night. I think I even recited a page, word for word sure that my body was processing what I read committing it to memory. It’s not that they are "fast read" books, quite the opposite, but something about them made me so eager for more that I couldn’t put them down. I had to know what would happen next, so I read and read until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.

I’m not one to go online and search around for people to talk to about the books, to search for more information to keep the infatuation going. I’m surprised I did that this morning. So excited when I found a nugget of the next book Stephanie Meyer has waiting in the wings for her fans. I am one of them now. I can’t wait until the movie comes out and dare I say, I may just be one of the crazy people waiting in line on opening night thirsting for the tale to be relived again.

Now for more sleep…

I am so freakin’ there!

Free Food Giveaway At Chipotle Mexican Grill

Hey Dishers, it’s almost tax-free weekend and this year sales tax isn’t the only thing that will be free–Chipotle Mexican Grill has a deal for you. (Jeezy Pete, I sound like Robert Wagner selling a reverse mortgage.) Here is all you have to do: eat at any DFW-area Chipotle on Tuesday, August 12, or Wednesday, August 13, and save the receipt. (For me that is the hard part.) Then go back any time on during tax-free weekend, August 15 - 17 and pickup a free burrito, salad, order of tacos or bowl with your receipt. With your leftover cash, you can consider a reverse mortgage but I suggest you stuff it in your mattress.

H/T http://sidedish.dmagazine.com

I still say getting up early is wrong.

So today is the exchange the kids day. No, their lease isn’t up. Although if kids came with a red carpet lease, when they got to the moody teenager phase, we could just turn them in for a model that only spits up and doesn’t talk back! I jest!! No really, two come back from pre-teen camp and one went on a youth mission trip. The last but not least will go off for a few short hours to nature day camp. Needless to say, this weekend has been a whirlwind of laundry, cleaning, packing, more laundry, and lots of cooking. Oh, and throw in the buying of 2 TV’s and the taking back of one. I know, we’re crazy. I never said we weren’t certifiable!

Daughter #1 had a "party" with 3 of her friends. Let’s just say, they giggle A LOT! I surprised myself and didn’t do what I have done in the past, i.e. shush them all night long or retreat into my room. I was too busy cooking homemade stir-fry and hand rolled california sushi rolls!! I know, I’m crazy. Her friends weren’t adventurous as they claimed they would be if we had asian cuisine, but Lauren enjoyed it greatly! I did too, yum!

***CUT!!***

I had this post all planned out in my head yesterday and it sat there waiting to be finished, but duty called and I got to drive all over hither and yon and watch some kids. It didn’t get done, and now my thoughts are long gone. *sigh* I was so tired yesterday, I was ready to go to bed at 9pm! Unheard of for me unless I am ill or on pain meds. MJ was so tired after his nature camp, play at best friends house, then plan again at other friends house, that when we met Dad for dinner at Taco B, he laid down on the booth seat and fell asleep! I couldn’t wake him up no matter what I did, so Dad carried him to the car, he slept on the way home, then when we pulled in to the driveway, he woke up and demanded to know why we hadn’t stopped for dinner! I told him it was waiting for him but he fell asleep and he said "Yay!", then walked in the house and ended up falling into his bed and sleeping for another 1 and a half. He woke up just in time for us to want to go to bed. Hopefully today he’ll make it through dinner.